Fatwa Fantasy - 72 Anal Virgins? Non-Stop Erections?

In Slate, Michelle Tsai explains that "From the 9^th through the 12^th centuries, Muslim scholars described paradise as a place of sensual delights—for men." One question, however, was was whether martyrs "remained married to their wives in heaven, whether they could have sex with the [72] virgins, and whether the heavenly virgins had anuses. (Some said there was no need for elimination in the afterlife.) "

In other words, the Islamic scholars have debated whether Allah would reward suicide bombers by ensuring that all 72 virgins could be 'exploited to the max' and from multiple points of entry? I mean, honestly. Doesn't God have anything better to worry about? And if not, doesn't that - in and of itself - render him unfit for worhip?

I'd be interested in an imam's interpretaton of what a gay man could expect to receive, and wouldn't be surprised it if sounded like a draft screenplay for a Bel Ami feature?

Lastly, rest assured Big Pharma won't be opening the doors to Paradise. According to the Encyclopedia of Islam, there's no need for Cialis in heaven. Listen to how 15th century Muslim Scholar Al-Suyuti describes being in paradise: "Each time we sleep with a woman we find her virgin. Besides, the penis of the Elected never softens. The erection is eternal; the sensation that you feel each time you make love is utterly delicious and out of this world and were you to experience it in this world you would faint. Each chosen one will marry seventy women, besides the women he married on earth, and all will have appetising vaginas."

In other words, there are versions of Islam in which the exploitation of women transcends death itself. Submit to your man in Kandahar, get stoned if you learn to read, die, and spend eternity as a sex slave. It's appalling, and it's time to burn the burqa.